Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
