I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
