You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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