btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
