If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Who died my cat blue again?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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