Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
