I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
