I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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