It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's official drugs can't kill me
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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