i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
