You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
