I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
