It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
