It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
