if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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