How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
