Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
