try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
