I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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