I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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