I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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