The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
