summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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