9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
