you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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