Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize