I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
