I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
