I am midnight drunk by noon
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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