Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
