Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
