i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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