My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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