Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
