just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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