pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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