A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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