Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We just shotgunned beers for America
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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