someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
