nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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