she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
