What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
