Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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