Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
