Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
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Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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