Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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