living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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