Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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