I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
