If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
