The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
