How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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