I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
