omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
