Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You made out with two different species that night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
