just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
