I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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