there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
