It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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