i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
