A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize