hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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