he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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